I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
