I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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