I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
