Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
