that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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