i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
