im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
