i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
