Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
