im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
