i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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