Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
