WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
