I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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