is your mom at the bar?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
