My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
