____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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