I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
