So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
