Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
