watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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