My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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