i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize