I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
