I want to stick my p in your. b.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
