Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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