after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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