You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
