I hate all girls vehemently.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
