i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
