just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
