maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
