I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
