I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
