I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize