You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
