I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
