hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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