SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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