You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
