i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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