I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
