pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize