Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
