I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
