Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
