I think I won the penis lottery.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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