If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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