sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
