This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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