Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
