do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
