I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize