My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
