She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
