i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
