I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Randomize
