i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
