Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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