We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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