i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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