She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
