i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
