Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
