I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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