i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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