my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
