Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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