I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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