Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
