Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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